This post is one in a series of real-life psychedelic stories, where fellow psychonauts share their experiences of personal growth, psychological healing and self transcendence.
Hello amazing people, allow me to introduce myself. My name is Jemima and I am here with you to share my tale of survival and recovery, thanks to the help of healing plant medicines, particularly ayahuasca and mushrooms.
First of all, I will tell you about my journey, and how I discovered plant medicine so you can better understand how profoundly powerful and healing these gifts from mother nature are. I believe these natural healing Psychedelic medicines are a gift from mother earth, and a tool for self-development, self-awareness, and leading an amazing life. I truly believe they are.
I will give you the nitty-gritty now, and then weave it all together in my next blog post with my first enlightening and life-saving Ayahuasca journey. But for now, let me introduce myself…
Who am I? Well I, like all of us, am a survivor. I mean, we all have a tale to tell, don’t we?? The older I get the more amazing and resilient I recognize we are as humans on this life path, this journey of trial and error. Everybody else’s stories humble me, and I always tend to think “wow, how did they survive that trauma?”, and yet when I tell my tale, I find that people say the same to me.
So I believe we are ALL, pretty fucking amazing, each of us just trying to make it on our own life path, trying to become the best version of ourselves. I believe everyone is to be respected and supported for their own journey. It is important to recognize that we each bring something unique that we can all learn from.
I am here because I am not afraid to tell my story, warts and all. I will be speaking from my heart and soul. I am 100% authentic… at least I try to be. I feel honored to be able to share my story with you, because if I can help one person own their shit without shame, then that to me is priceless, a gift, a win/win.
I won’t ramble too much about my trauma. It will come out along the way as I explain the saving grace and blessings that plant medicine has brought to me. So I will briefly set the scene. I am a victim of rape. I was in an abusive relationship for 14 years, beaten up emotionally and physically. I was a hardcore functioning addict for 20 years. The first few years were fun. For the last many years I was using needles and shooting up anything and everything about 7-10 times a day, anything to help me escape my abusive situation, but also addicted to the ritual of needlework. In the final year of my downhill demise, I was stalked, gang bullied, and terrorized. I had a gun pulled on me and threatened for “smiling too much”.
My situation became so threatening and dire, I had to escape town, or I would be “leaving in a body bag”, as they had pointed out to me! It was surreal. It still feels like a script for a Lifetime film. Really horrible and so dramatic, but this was true. It was my life.
Just to remind you this was all going on while I was shooting up meth and heroin almost every hour, whilst holding down 3 jobs, one at a university as a fitness instructor (yeah, you heard it, a fitness instructor!), living in a $2000 month apartment, whilst supporting my $3000 a month addiction, AND my drugged up abusive husband (ex, now). Whhhhaaaaatt!!???
Urgh! I feel sick as I write this. It gives me the creeps. And I still wonder, how am I still alive?
I was such an incredible functioning addict. I hid it so well, I deserved an Oscar for my performance. The fact was, no one could know. I mean, working at a prestigious university made my situation feel even more precarious. I could have been arrested, and I would have been a stain on the reputation of this otherwise reputable university.
(side note, I was lucky none of my clients hurt themselves, amongst other things.)
I was trapped in this hardcore, ugly weave of lies, abuse, and addiction. This chaotic path was a direct result of my past trauma and unhealed wounds. It was a way to cope with being raped at the age of 12, being bullied during my school years, and then landing in an abusive relationship for 14 years.
I took the drugs to cope with my stress, anxiety, and unresolved radical trauma, that I was actually still living in. A way to remain numb. The end of this chaotic symphony came in 2019 when I realized the gang who was threatening me and pulled a gun on me, were serious about killing me.
No joke.
This was the lowest point in my demise, yet the pivotal turning point of my journey from trauma to triumph. I had no choice but to leave everything behind, my drug dealer, my abusive husband, my career, the only world that I knew. I hired a car, grabbed my 2 cats, and escaped, driving blind all the way to another state, one where I was a stranger.No one knew who I was, and vice versa. Somewhere I could start all over again.
Finally landing in a hotel in a different State with no job, no money, nothing but my cats and the clothes on my back, I fell apart. I was so confused, so lost, so shattered emotionally, physically, and spiritually. My smile was broken, and I didn’t know what it was all for…
It was at this moment I attempted Suicide. I took an unbelievable amount of heroin, shut my eyes, and hoped my pain and confusion would be all over soon…
About 48 hours later, I woke up with my cats meowing, one on my belly, the other scared and cowering… What had I done? How is it possible I am still here? How could I do this to my cats, my babies? I saw they had no food and their kitty litter was so stinky and dirty. I couldn’t believe it…How was I alive?! I swore I took enough Heroin for a party of 10. I knew I had wanted to die. I wanted out!!
But here I was. Alive.
It was obviously not my time. I started to wake. I had a responsibility to my cats and to myself. I slowly made my way up to standing. I knew that this was a miracle. I began to understand I must be here for a reason. Yes, I was all alone, nobody knew where I was, and I didn’t know anyone in my new location. So I was forced to stand with myself, by myself.
What was I going to do? “It is not my time” I kept repeating this like a mantra. I had a second chance, a calling, a life path to follow. A gift of survival I did not yet know I was meant to bring to others. Very confused, I managed to flip my life switch on. Actually, I really think it was my angels, guides, and spirit healers, as at this point, I had no idea what was going on, but I began my journey to healing.
I researched and searched everywhere for everything and anything that could help me get answers as to how to heal, get stronger, recover, and rise up out of my ashes, my trauma, and my demise.
Enter Plant Medicine.
Mother Ayahuasca.
The gift.
The journey.
The story of healing begins…
Let’s take a break, get some water and next time I will begin to tell you how this blessed discovery saved my life and continues to assist me in my healing to this day…
Pheewweeee… till next time my wonderful people…
I will leave you with an amazing spirit message:
“I embrace everything I am. I release anything that drains me or is causing me suffering. I connect to the divine and know the Universe is always with me, exactly as I am.”
Love and light…
